For Parents

*Parents, see For Teachers section, it has their Wish List and Classroom Experiences!  This information is meant to give your child the best opportunity to succeed!!

A Parental Checklist:

These questions are meant to make you think, because I believe they      should be on every parent’s radar as a compass for parenting.

• Are you engaged in your child’s life enough to see things from         their perspective, so you can help them through love and respect?
• When your child accomplishes goals or overcomes fear, do you feel    it was because you were supporting them by being engaged in their life?
• How are you rewarding their efforts and accomplishments?  Can you see how those rewards are benefiting their life?
• How much time do you spend with your child when they are out of school? How are you helping prepare them for when they go back to school?
• Is your discipline plan and way of reasoning helping your child’s life?
• Do you know when your child is afraid of you? Are your coping skills (dealing with your anger) showing in your relationship with your child?
• When your child upsets you do you realize they don’t understand your reasoning? Are you being patient?
• What is your relationship like with your child right now?  Who runs the household, you or they?
• Do both parents agree on the same discipline plan?
• Do you threaten, yell, or spank your child?

Children think differently than adults

Although you may think your child understands your words and your feelings, he/she doesn’t. And if you think they do, they’re just mimicking your words. So most of the time, they’re reacting to your tone, facial expressions, even body postures in a completely different way than you mean them. In the following short scenarios, I want you to immerse yourself in the child’s point of view—as if he/she could tell you what he really thinks or feels. And then read my response to that viewpoint, what I have learned in my years of watching children, talking to children, teaching children, and disciplining children.

Remember, you can have a loving relationship with your child by seeing life through their eyes.

A Child's Point of View

When you scare me, I will say things like “I don’t know,”                “He (or she) did it.” I’ll shrug my shoulders, or I will give                you a blank stare.
When children say or do these things it tells me I need to apologize for scaring them so they don’t think I am being mean or attacking them. Then I tell them why I got involved and why I need them to stop by using child’s currency and explaining to them again why I got involved. Remember, consistency will help with this a lot as well as not having your child fear you.

Sometimes I’ll act out or become silly just for attention.
I find children like to see if I am paying attention and so they act out or become silly (acting silly is just being a child). They test by making little mistakes to see if I will catch it. Children like knowing you are paying attention and it is okay when they do this because this is your time to let them know you are paying attention. You do this is by correcting them when they do test you for attention. (This is not experimenting.)

I cannot explain myself as well as I would like, especially when I am scared and so I am not always very accurate.
Please, parents, remember that when a child is scared and you are aggressive—you scream, threaten, or spank your child—he or she is not capable of answering questions under those circumstances. Also, children are trying to learn what your words really mean. Even if a child is familiar with a word, they still are not capable of understanding the full meaning of the word. They only understand the parts that pertain to them in their world. So if you want your child to answer you, he cannot be scared and if he answers, you should understand that he is mimicking words he thinks you want to hear.

I am easily frightened into telling lies.
When you confront your child about a possible lie, you have to do it carefully. Children are still learning and it will help them so much if you don’t press them too hard or be over aggressive about their honesty because they are still figuring out how to put the action to words and put the words together. Can’t cope? What you should do is let them know that because you are the parent it is important for you to know so you can show, tell, and teach them why we don’t lie.

If you put me off when I ask questions I may stop asking and start seeking my information elsewhere.
Children are constantly looking for attention and they get this through asking questions. Questions are how humans learn and build our brains, but more important, children find out how interested you are in them by the way you answer their questions. When I get involved in a child’s question it creates something I call “love.” Because I love each and every child their questions are important to me. I want each child to know that by always answering their questions and by continually asking them questions. I do this because I want to teach each child how to learn how to ask questions and to let them know questions are how we find out the right and wrong answer. Children get disappointed easily. And if you leave it up to someone else to answer your child’s questions, he or she may not get the answers you would give. So please take the time to answer your child’s questions.

When it comes to discipline, keep repeating yourself; it reassures me.
Repeating behavior allows the child to start to predict my actions and helps them start the thinking process. When I repeat certain behavior it not only reassures the child, but it also lets them know what I will accept and what I will not. Having them repeat your words when explaining things to them is the key to the beginning of this process. Everything starts with having each child learn how to repeat words. Then when I repeat discipline, it ties everything together.

Please keep asking me questions about my daily life, lots of questions. It is how you teach me about engaging.
One way to engage in your child’s life is simply by asking questions. Children find a lot of comfort in this engagement because it allows them to tell you what’s going on with their own words and lets the child dictate how much they want to let me know. You get the opportunity to show you care, you are interested, and you are proud of them.

I am growing up quickly. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please try.
Children keep you on your toes. They make you do things you don’t want to do. They can upset you because you are trying so hard to raise a good, healthy child. But please keep trying and just know your child will appreciate it one day. I hope this insight will help you calm down and realize you can be a great parent. You now have insight you didn’t have before and you are making a big effort by reading this book. So keep learning and get a plan so you can be available for your child in a way that is healthy for you and for them.

 Please add your own point of view at the bottom of this page: